I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
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So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
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I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
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