I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
