Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize