i can't believe i had my finger in that
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize