I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
