So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize