He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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