but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
