"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
