Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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