Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Your dad touched me again.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
