woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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