I've blown a few things in my day
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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