Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I want to be your penis for a week.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
