I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
