i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.