Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.