mondays should just be called national damage control day
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?