people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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