remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...