life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
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you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
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No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
After tacos, we're chasing women.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.