I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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