my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
