Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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