Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
