I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
