btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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