i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
