Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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