your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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