you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
