3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Randomize
