I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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