I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
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