So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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