there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
