so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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