did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge†by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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