he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
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A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
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he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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