Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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