yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
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