the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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