My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
