i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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