i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
