I murdered the dance floor call the cops
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
