Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
