one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
