he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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