brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
