Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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