Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
