Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
