Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
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