Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
3 2 1 whiskey
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.