Whats the glycemic index on semen?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
What changed your mind?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.