Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
