i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance