My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??