I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
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Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
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Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.