Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
