that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.