Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
