I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
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