6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
