Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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