Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
