if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
