Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Help me help you realize you are a moron
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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