I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
