Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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