My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
