she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
