so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
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