I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
