No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
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i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
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nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
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