Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
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