he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
