i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
