1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
