She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
