She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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