Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
