I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
