So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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