just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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