my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
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He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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