I can tuck mytits in my pants
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
