how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Randomize
