I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
