I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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