I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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