A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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