We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
